I am his Mom

March 19th, 2014, our little boy was born. He is an enormous amount of joy.

Blah, blah, blah I haven’t blogged in a while mostly because the game changed for me once Bean arrived. Now my story of infertility, miscarriage, dreams, hopes, and the overwhelming thoughts that mostly just point to my complete inability to control or dictate my own life now very intimately involve another person. Another person I have a rabid need to protect.

He’s had a cold the last few days, his worst one yet. I can hear him snoring in the monitor. I love to use the Nose Frida, but Bean isn’t quite as jazzed about it. So, I try to hold back on my insatiable appetite to clean snot out of noses…his cute, little nose that looks just like his aunt’s.

This mothering thing has been very humbling too, but not in an unexpected way yet.

I don’t have any illusions of getting back into my size 4 pants, I have started to smile when people ask when we’re having another one (“if you had any idea…”), I’ve already broken half of my “rules” about things I would never do. We play with our food, we grab cats’ tails, we read so many books.

The main reason I haven’t written is that this, this Mom thing-while challenging and sleep depriving, and full of failure and surprises, and far, far from perfect-

This is far more beautiful than I ever knew. There is not a day, and in fact not many an hour that goes by that I am not deeply aware of the rare and amazing gift I have been given.

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3 Responses to I am his Mom

  1. So true – a beautiful, undeserving gift it is to be a mother! Love you

  2. rdregge says:

    ::happyjoygladness::

  3. conceivinghope says:

    “This is far more beautiful than I ever knew. There is not a day, and in fact not many an hour that goes by that I am not deeply aware of the rare and amazing gift I have been given.” – This is how I imagine motherhood at the end of infertility and recurring miscarriages as well. It’s nice to hear that at least for one woman…it looked exactly like it does in my dreams. Maybe just an ounce of hope added to my heap today in reading this. Thanks for that.

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